Hello Darlings,
Last night while reading Vanity Fair, I came upon an interesting quote by Thackeray:
” To know nothing, or little, is in the nature of some husbands. To hide, in the nature of how many women? O ladies! how many of you have surreptitious milliners’ bills? How many of you have gowns and bracelets, which you daren’t show, or which you wear trembling? - trembling, and coaxing with smiles the husband by your side, who does not know the new velvel gown from the old one, or the new bracelet from last year’s, or has any notion that the ragged-looking yellow lace scarf cost forty guineas, and that Madame Bobinot is writing dunning letters every week for money! Thus Rawdon knew nothing about the brilliant diamond ear-rings, or the superb brilliant ornament which decorated the fair bosom of his lady;“
Vanity Fair by W. M. Thackeray, pg.469.
Women during 1840s had similar problems that women do today, which begs the question: are obsession and guilt really a part of our womanly nature???
Sometimes a girl needs a pick-me-up but how often is too often?
When do you become a shopping whore?
When do you become a liar?
When reading this Vanity Fair article, all of these thoughts came to mind. Why do women over-shop? I realize that over-shopping is half the problem, the other half is LYING. While over-shopping is glamorized in the world of fashion, it is a problem that most women have come to accept. Another perspective is that no fashion magazine or “fashionista” is willingly going to mention The Lie behind it all. So it got me thinking, how many of us lie for the sake of fashion?
Over-shopping is accepted and embraced in some narcissistic way since women enjoy doing it. But what about lying. How many of us have lied about shopping? How many of you hide your purchases? How many of you realize that underneath all of the glamor and fancy it is a nasty problem, even an addiction? And why is it that women are the main target?
Personally, I am a liar… I lie to myself.
I shop unnecessarily, and when I don’t want to…
Then I comfort myself with thoughts that my new item is fabulous.
Fabulous? What am I thinking, I am a smart woman who knows better. I know exactly what I am doing, so why can’t I resist??? So after every shopping trip, I either “forget” to mention some of the purchases or just simply lie… Why? It’s not as if anyone punishes me. The only reason is the guilt, and shame from not being able to control myself. AS I came to realize this, I try to restrain myself but can I? I don’t even have second thoughts about shopping… I just do it for fun and never reconsider what I’ve bought. But once it all sets in, I feel ashamed and guilty for falling into the trap of fabulous. Do clothes really make us beautiful people? I don’t believe so… so what it is then???
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19 Responses to Shopping Whores and Guilt…
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I voted for you (:
And this is quite interesting! Lovely piece, reminds me just a tad bit of Confessions of a Shopaholic (though not as extreme, I should hope!) (;
bisous,
La C.
Ask me that question ten 5 years ago and I would have said yessssssssssss. I shopped when I didn't need to, shouldn't spend the money etc. Fast forward to the present and I'm the extreme opposite. I carefully plan out my purchases because I'm a Mom. That little bambino has sucked the fun out of shopping. Ah ha
Great post! Personally, I don't buy and lie - though I have been known to buy more than I need. I've also been known to return stuff under those circumstances. Like Kristin (and I am also named Kristin, amusingly) I have a kid and a mortgage and I just don't spend money in the same way. Not that I haven't been known to splurge! I just choose to a) love the item and b) I don't answer to anyone for having purchased it.
I do not mean any offense whatsover when I say this, but I have personally been paying my visa bills since i was 18. I've found that, because I alone am responsible for the things I choose to spend money on, I have been able to spend much wiser..and ask myself, "Do I really need this?" and "Is there an alternative to buying this?" ie. magazines, novels etc. As for sales…if they are really amazing, and I haven't purchased in awhile, then I'd allow myself a small splurge. It's all about budgeting and prioritizing the funds all for the sake of good credit! : )
Jane: Hi Jane,
I know what you're talking about, although my parents pay my bills… I still feel guilty for many of my purchases, even if they reassure me that they're fine
I don't over-shop and lie. Simply because I earn my own money and I choose how to spend it. I don't feel like I have to answer to people and it is none of their business because it is MY money.
If I feel guilty, I feel this way because I know that I should have not bought what I did (i.e not budgeting and prioritizing properly).
I just don't like the idea of having things handed to me on a silver platter. If I had the privilege of spending my parents money, I'd probably go a little crazy. But I don't. So, I try to spend wisely.
I don't lie. Mostly b/c I don't really spend TOO much each shopping trip. Now lately I did begin to get a bit obsessed with make up and buying new products ("product junkie").
But somehow after a few weeks of doing that and gathering stuff I had my eyes on… the high has worn off and I'm just using what I have for now. Same with clothes.
I guess I'm a binge shopper? Lol 5 new pairs of shorts or something when I feel like I have "nothing to wear".
You can save money with discount coupons and special offers, check http://www.clickmycoupon.com before you shop to find free discounts.
Lize: thank you for the suggestion, I will definitely check it out since I LOVE shopping online
great post love
Just - a perfect post!
FM~FP~AF
LOL This is so funny because i do this ALLLLLL the time!!!! My boyfriend and I bought a house together last year and now I ALWAYS feel guilty for shopping cuz I feel I could be putting the money towards something for the house or towards savings or something but i can't help it cuz I LOOOVVVEEEEE to shop!! So everytime i come home with something new I always say "Oh it was on sale" or i carry a HUGE purse so i can just hide what i bought and put it away when my bf is not around. Then if he asks me if its new when i wera it i just say "oh no ive had it forever just havent worn it in a while!"
I just wanted to say that this is a very brave post! Alot of style blogs are guilty of conspicuous consumption, but they don't ever address the realities/guilt of over shopping. Everyone in the more privileged nations is guilty of it. We all enjoy life's excesses, myself included. But we rarely talk about the guilt. We SHOULD feel guilty. There are alot of people who go without so many of life's basic nescessities, and we enjoy too much, sometimes to the direct deteremint of others, like in the case of sweatshop labour,etc. I just want to commend you for writing this post, for being honest, and acknowledging what is a very serious problem.
Don't go as far as calling it an 'addiction.' I hate that word! And don't even know if I quite believe in it.
I think when people do things that are bad for them i.e. over-shopping, smoking, eating chocolate, they are filling another void. And I hate sounding like Freud or Dr. Phil, but I honestly think so.
Great post : ]
If you want to go for shopping and have budget problem then you use free printable coupon at http://www.clickmycoupon.com and get big discount on your every purchase.
Anon 6:56: I think you're one of very few people who actually understood the meaning of this post and for that I must say Thank you. People in privileged nations are very lucky to have the access and means to so much, but I think that very few actually appreciate or even realize it.
Thank you for your comment and I wish you a beautiful day.
I actually jusssst bought a pair of heals for $150.. I know exactly what your talking about, I've already told people I got them for cheaper. My mom could possibly chop off my head for this haha.
Have to say I have… and do… and its a compulsion! It's not our fault - it's in our genes… not the 7 For All Mankind ones that were snuck into the wardrobe either! This is such a beautiful blog! x
I have to admit that I have done that as well from time to time. Sometimes I think that my last name should be Bloomwood a la confessions of a shopaholic, but I'm working on it.